There is no readymade, straightjacket answer yet even though this question has raged India and many other countries for 2 decades now.

There are clear advantages and disadvantages to both and ironically each set of advantages correspond directly to the set of disadvantages of the other.

The metros today are distinctly turning nuclear whereas small towns and other cities still have joint families as part of its culture.

What are the advantages of joint families? Most importantly, children are automatically taken care of within joint families with grand parents and may be two brothers and their wives and kids living together under one roof. Also children get a lot of exposure to people of different natures and values and they have many more children to play with and form bonds of love and affection with people of different ages. This can be a very enriching experience during the growing up period.

Joint families have the advantage of shared work, shared finances, shared values, old world wisdom and modern ideas existing side by side and intermingling and having a chance to balance things out and blunting sharp edges of any one point of view.

Within a joint family, members don't think twice about supporting each other during difficult times, for example sudden illness or accident.

The children growing up in joint families have the advantages of imbibing their parent's values but also learning from the wisdom of older generation.

Also a couple can always make plans to go out in the evening for a party or to meet other friends leaving children in the care of their parents without much thought or guilt. Thus it helps them keep the bond with their friends and other relatives alive.

What makes it difficult for a newly married couple to live side by side with the parents today is the generation gap. The conflicting set of values become battle ground for members which steals the peace of the house.

Changing values of new generation, changing dress code of new generation woman and her status as a liberated woman and an equal partner in their son's life gives older generation a sense of unease. This is a point of conflict many couples must have experienced. Couples find it easier to live separate to preserve peace, love and affection rather than letting it all get marred by daily clashes.

Is it the emotional abandonment on the part of new generation that hurts the old parents more or the fact of physical separation? This is the question that needs to be asked.

There are thousands of nuclear families today comprising of working man and woman and young kids. Nuclear families give couples a sense of freedom, an opportunity to break free off some stifling traditional rituals and dogmas and purse a lifestyle that they want.

But taking care of children is a big act of jugglery in nuclear families and this is the central focus in the debate on nuclear versus joint family. Working couples today are ready to take this strain to earn privacy, space and freedom in their lives. These ideas are the pillars on which nuclear families have been built.

They employ nannies or day time maids to take care of children. This is not really a bad option. But most mothers suffer guilty pangs for having left the kids in the care of an outsider. Why do fathers not suffer from guilt as much as mothers do is a question? Is it because certain stereotypical gender roles are etched deep in our psyche?

What is good and what is not is specific to the members of a particular family.

One thing is for sure, older generation needs to be taken care of and children also need love and affection of grand parents.

If living separately becomes inevitable, a middle way should be found. The young generation should not emotionally abandon their parents. Therefore, even when living separately, weekend visits, week-day dinners and lunches can become regular features. Once or twice a week, if living in the same city, couples should visit their grand parents. If in different cities, regular visits to parents should be made. Regular phone calls and other means of communication should happen so that the familial bonds never become dead.

And older generation should become active in their lives through community programs or through learning computers or even taking up a part time or full time job. This will also keep them engaged and relieve the new generation from feeling guilty about loneliness of their parents and burdened that parents are dependent on them for happiness. More often than not, this brings children and their parents closer to grand parents.