"When love becomes labored we welcome an act of infidelity towards ourselves to free us from fidelity"
-- François de la Rochefoucauld
French classical author

Deven Gupta, a marketing and branding consultant, carried on a 2-year deep emotional and sexual affair with a woman outside of his marriage. When his wife Lata learnt about the relationship she was devastated, totally shattered from within. Lata discovered, by sheer coincident, Deven and his extra-marital partner Sonali in an intimate moment together else the affair would have gone undetected for some more time.

The hurt, anger, frustration, emotional wound all came together in a cocktail of uncontrollable emotions that cracked Lata up. Tears, blame and shouts and the usual milieu after the betrayal of a marital trust followed. After having invested emotionally and mentally so many years into building this relationship, Lata's reaction was but natural, she rightfully felt betrayed.

She had failed to catch the signals of infidelity in her marriage and that really made her feel stupid also at the same time. Deven had continued to be a caring husband although a kind of autonomous caring and emotional monotony had set in the relationship. But it never seemed to Lata that it had come to such a passé that Deven would seek his emotional pasture somewhere else. She was completely unprepared for the shock. Deven admitted to his affair but said that he was helpless, because you cared and loved the other person.

Marital infidelity is not an uncommon occurrence and reasons vary from person to person. Sex addiction, permissive and lascivious nature, emotional non-fulfillment within the marriage, sexual dissatisfaction, lack of understanding, disparate and mismatched values, irreconcilable differences over points-of-views, prolonged avoidance of conflict, frivolous attitude towards sex, neglect of the partner, and withering of earlier spark and romance, and need to seek newness and gain new experience.

While a marriage built on trust and love can draw strength from its depth and history and survive a short fling or one-time betrayal, it is serious emotional affairs on the part of one of the spouses that can shatter up a marital bond.

If one of the spouses indulges in extra-marital affair based not just on sexual attraction but emotional attachment, it calls for an investigation into the state of current marriage.

The betrayed partner needs to wake up from a slumber and ask some basic questions: These can even if a pre-warning to infidelity. So if you see any sign of the following in your relationship, its time pull your socks and buckle up; begin the repair process now if you do care for your marriage.

---- Have you been avoiding addressing issues that your partner has raised so often?
----Has your sex life turned bit cold and interest in one another stands deteriorated?
----Have you stopped telling each other what's on your mind and in your heart?
----Have you been harboring resentment and avoided talking about it?
----Do you still feel love in the marriage?
----Do you fulfill emotional needs of your partner?
----Do you work till late in the office and sub-consciously avoid coming home on time?
----Has your partner often complained that you don't understand him/her?
----Do you both live in your own separate worlds not making the other part of them?

If all this is already happening in your marriage, then infidelity or no infidelity, the marriage is already on the rocks.

The betraying partner needs to ask:

---Is your infidelity an ego trip to make your partner realize your importance?
---Is your infidelity is a result of the neglect and lack of understanding you have felt within the marriage?
---Did you do it because you wanted to find out if you could still kindle sparks in another and be desirable to somebody else?
----Have you been felt your currently marriage to be emotionally not fulfilling?
----Have you felt sexual dissatisfaction within the marriage?
----Do you think you did it out of impulse, giving in to a moment?
----Are you ready to sacrifice your current marriage for the extra-marital affair?
----Do you get too easily attracted to the opposite sex and are prone to act on the attraction and don't keep restrain even though you know it may hurt your partner a great deal?
-----Did you enter into an extra-marital relationship because you didn't want to let go of an opportunity which came your way even though your current married life is by all means a happy one?

In the end each partner needs to ask if they want from deep within to save the marriage and still make it work. It is not an easy task after infidelity has marred the relation but it is not impossible. It depends on your history with each other and the shared moments. If those were enriching and deeply felt by both of you, marriage can revive from the ashes of infidelity.

But first and foremost; what do you want? This is the pivotal question you need to find an answer to after the initial storm of confused emotions settle down.

If both partners decide that they still cared for each other and would like their marriage to work, alleviating the hurt of the betrayed partner should become the top most priority. The responsibility for this falls hugely on the betraying partner.

However, it may be wise to let go of the current marriage if it has breeding ground for unhappiness for both the people and they see no way to refresh the marriage that has gone sour.