Couples today expect a lot from sex. They expect sex born out of love to send them into the seventh heaven of bliss every time they have sex. And when it fails to do so; they start thinking that something is wrong with their relationship. This is where 'sexual difficulties' of couples begin.

Very quickly judgments are passed that the old passion is gone, that the spark has left the relationship, that the love has dried up. Couples start thinking that their love needs to be questioned and that may be the relationship nearing a break-up point.

When sex fails to give the kind of bliss promised in book and movies and in talks with other people, one of the partners decide that may be he/she is lesser of a man or a woman, that he or she is not after all the ideal sexual partner or that he or she is not sexually desirable, or something like that.

With the kind of lives being led today, especially in metros, there is a huge tension for sexual 'performance'. As if sex is being done to make a huge point. At the end, most couples indulge in sexual activity to prove a point. Either it is that 'look how good I am that I can give you so much pleasure', or the other extreme, "I am only seeking my pleasure from you and that is all about it". It is not necessary that one of the partners is conscious about it.

Therefore, it becomes more of politics, rather than an ultimate expression of love. And sexual difficulties and a tug-of-war start, in which all understandings, real intimacies and caring are thrown out of the window.

Sexual difficulties set in also because of media images. Couples may compare their average partner with impressed-upon mind images of film stars, sports stars for example Brad Pitt, George Clooney or Shahrukh Khan or Salmaan Khan or say Britney Spears, Priyanka Chopra, or Bipasha Basu. Or women may compare their partner with the college hunk that they dreamt of bedding one day or men may compare their female partners with their college's last year 'hottie' everyone was in love with. This is totally unfair, unjust and misleading and to tell the truth, plain stupid.

Good news is that, it is normal not to reach the seventh heaven every time you have sex, it is normal not to have orgasm every time and it is normal to not desire sex some times.

If all this is accepted, lot of tension surrounding sex can disappear within minutes. Also one should not approach sex as if it is a 'performance'. You should want it, for you want to express love, for you want to express a desire, for you want to fuse with your partner in the most intimate way, because you care and you want to show it.

You should talk about it if you fail to reach a climax. Talk and weed out your issues. And loving partners should touch each other, hold each other, kiss each other as a prelude to having sex or even otherwise. That will deepen the intimacy and reduce sexual difficulties.